Kowani kept her head between her knees long after she and Ahsoka had emerged from their meditation. Although the after affects were improving, she felt as though she had lost her ability to regain herself this time.
“It will get easier in time Ani.” Ahsoka said gently at her side, massaging her upper back.
“Why do I feel like I’m reverting this time?” Kowani responded with staggered speech to keep her stomach contents secured where they were.
“Because you poured more of yourself into the practice this time.” T’zar said with his deep echoing voice.
Kowani looked up, her mind lost in a mild confusion. “And now you grace us both with your presence.”
“Only to keep you on your toes Ani.” He said.
Kowani scanned the cargo bay they had utilized for the meditation as the hazy fog of reality began to return her sight. She could feel her brain spinning from the attempt and quickly closed her eyes again.
“T’zar is correct, you brought your emotion with you this time. Anger. That will cause disorientation upon reversion.” Ahsoka said, still utilizing her softest voice.
“Anger was unintentional Ahsoka, I just can’t help the confusion when you speak of the Jedi. Particularly when you continue to recite that you are not one.”
Ahsoka was silent for a moment, breathing in slowly at Kowani’s side, “because I am not Ani, I chose a different path.”
It was Kowani’s turn for silence as she searched for the right words to frame her thoughts. ‘Sith, Jedi, Bendu…’ the terms raced through her mind. ‘Dark side, Light side…’ both mixing themselves into her internal chaos. A cohesive thought emerged, “but the galaxy did as well Ahsoka.” Kowani said as she lifted her head from her knees, opening her eyes slowly to focus on the Togruta, “you made a choice during a different time, one that made sense to you at that time.” Kowani felt the words swimming to her lips as her focus became intensely clear, “those times have changed Ahsoka. I ask you, where are the Jedi now?” The words felt biting as they left her but that was not her intent. “I do not mean to cause insult, only that you realize that your chosen path years ago has led you to its end. Choice is never ending, or so I’ve come to learn.” Kowani could see that her words were having an effect as Ahsoka’s expression changed by the second. From composed confidence to scattered melancholy, outright contempt to unabashed understanding. Several times, Kowani sensed that Ahsoka was trying to verbalize something but never uttered a word, and to her credit, never looked away from her.
Although T’zar was invisible to the eye, both in the room could sense his presence and location with deft precision, Kowani looked toward the spot she knew he resided as if wanting support for her comments but, he too, was silent. Ahsoka’s hand fell from Kowani’s shoulder only to wrap around the Mirialans right hand.
“You are right Ani.” Ahsoka said finally, easing the tension Kowani’s mind had irrationally built in defense. “Those that remain are scattered.” She attempted to continue through dry lips.
“Ahsoka, I don’t mean to sound harsh.” Kowani interjected.
“I know, I know….” Ahsoka trailed off briefly.
“It was not taken so, I assure you.” T’zar echoed.
Ahsoka began to wear her soft smile in support of the Zeltran’s statement, “It is difficult to follow a solitary path in these times, and I forget that from time to time.”
Kowani blew out a breath in mild relief, however the lingering emotions she had brought with her into meditation remained, “Ahsoka, you speak of purpose through the lens of others perception.” Kowani hesitated briefly before coming to the point she had been trying to make within the confines of the Force, “I can’t help but think of Master Yoda if you forgive me for a moment, but would he not simply say ‘Find yourself you must, if purpose you intend to serve.’” She couldn’t stifle the laugh that followed at all.
“That’s one of the best imitations I’ve ever heard.” Ahsoka said, almost falling to her side with her own laughter. Even T’zar echoed his own report which simply fueled the laughter anew.
Kowani was the first to break rank, her own laughter fading in her ears. “Again, I never intend insult Ahsoka, it’s just that your focus on Ezra may be blinding you to the very task.” She was a myriad of emotions she realized as her laughter transitioned to a sort of sadness she couldn’t explain. “For months we’ve encountered either dead ends or counter intuitive speculation and intelligence. Maybe it’s time to fish in bigger circles?” The words were coming to her forethought again, faster than she could speak them, “remove our nets from the pond and toss them into the oceans.” Kowani was certain Ahsoka would understand her meaning but had more to add on a personal level, “and my point about the Jedi Ahsoka. It was not meant to offend of course, only to state that with so few strewn about the galaxy, a redefinition of what Jedi even means is on the table.”
Ahsoka’s smile remained as the words filled the air around them, “first Ani, you will never offend when your speaking from the heart, you must see that.” She began with her soft voice again, her words warm and comforting, “I have thought long on that very idea Ani. At this point, what is and what is not Jedi has extraordinarily little value. Beginning anew will be the focus of another however, although I do understand what you are saying.”
“Luke.” Kowani said as her sight glazed over.
“Perhaps, perhaps not. It is my instinct to agree with you but that is a decision for him to make.” Ahsoka responded as if distant from the conversation, “without our intervention.” She added after a breath, her own words sounding dulcet and mystical at the same time, Kowani nodding herself in understanding. “In the meantime, I feel it best to continue routing the Empire’s attention away from Echo wherever possible, especially if it means we can do this galaxy some good in the process.”
“And you don’t think your Jedi…” T’zar laughed his response.
Ahsoka adopted a serious expression, “I can’t be T’zar.”
Kowani blew out a breath in exasperation as she had done her darndest to steer free of Malachor. “Ahsoka, why you continue to rehash what you convinced Master Yoda you were free of eludes any practical sense. Did you not listen to him at all?” Kowani was sure that would be offensive.
“I did Ani, and I would rather not talk about it.” Ahsoka responded the way she always did when their conversation took this turn.
“That is no longer on the table Ahsoka, I am sorry but it’s just simply not.” Kowani rocked back, letting her legs fall to the floor. “What is coming for us is unknown, even T’zar couldn’t identify the significance of Zannah’s awakening. Whatever omen that entails will require you to face facts one way or another.”
The look of shock on Ahsoka’s face told Kowani that she was at least open to listening. “Look, the time for discussion is nearing an end...surely you must sense that, so with some form of finality Ahsoka, own yourself.” Kowani intoned, her words neither harsh nor inviting. Kowani looked into Ahsoka’s eyes as the final thought on the matter came to fruition, “remember, there is no Light, there is no Dark, there is only the Force.” She finished, rising slowly to her feet, and exiting the cargo bay.
Ahsoka was silent for a long time, although she felt the continuing presence of T’zar within the confines of the cargo bay, she knew he had nothing more to add to Kowani’s statement, she had said everything that needed saying. Ahsoka broke down in the cargo bay, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her thoughts, in their entirety, swaying toward Obi-wan or even Anakin, taking the lead, finding answers, directing others. Feeling the safety incorporated into her very being with someone else making the tough decisions.
“If I may Ahsoka…” T’zar spoke his own version of compassion, “perhaps it is not your charge to operate as the decision maker. I’ve seen your memory do not forget and can feel what you feel.” T’zar continued through the depths of honesty. “You have taught Ani well Ahsoka, she is not the reserved slicer and combat veteran you once knew. She thinks freely and on her own now, heeds wisdom and incorporates your teachings into every action and decision she makes. Her path through the Force will be her own to forge.” He paused for a moment to let that sink in, “It is time for you to as well.” T’zar finished.
Ahsoka took in every syllable, stowing her own emotion in the process as she let his truth fill in the cracks of the truth she had thought she had established long ago. She had felt so confident upon departing Dagobah that this conundrum was behind her only to realize in the here and now that she had in fact cemented nothing. That was the path she had embarked on years prior she thought to herself, one where truth would come full circle in the form of her own teachings. Although she had never felt the Master in her relationship with Kowani, she did have to admit that T’zar was right as she looked upon the Mirialan through an objective lens.
A chime echoing through the empty cargo bay broke her concentration and pulled her thoughts into the immediate present. “Ahsoka, we’ve arrived at Iskalon.” Rex’s voice informed her over the shipboard comm. She raised her wrist comm to her lips, “copy Rex, on my way up.” She said, pushing herself up to her feet. She paused however before making any forward progress, “T’zar you mentioned Zannah’s awakening. What does that mean?”
“It means someone has either defiled her resting place or taken possession of her matrix.”
“The two cannot be mutually exclusive?” She asked, turning her head slightly.
“No. She would not present her matrix to anyone willing to defile her grave.”
The comment forced Ahsoka to turn fully. “You must understand that my knowledge regarding Zannah is fraught with the teachings of the Jedi, that she and Darth Bane were responsible for the current state of the Sith.”
“Then you must understand how important the conversation was you just had with your own apprentice Ahsoka.” T’zar responded.
The return gave her pause as she tied the two elements together in thought, “choice.”
“Or epiphany. Some things are greater than the sum of their parts.”
“You are speaking of the Bendu.” Ahsoka said although she had intended it as a query. Her thoughts convincing her that she may have answered her own question with the statement.
“I am.” Was all T’zar said in response.
“Is she a danger T’zar?” Ahsoka asked.
“That depends on whom she bestowed her matrix I would think Ahsoka. But the reality of the question can only be truly answered by your intentions, or that of Ani for that matter.”
Ahsoka opened her eyes in surprise, “you know who is there don’t you.”
“Only who was. Who it is currently is someone completely different.” T’zar responded just before his spirit retreated from the cargo bay.
Ahsoka could feel his retreat, elated that he didn’t decide to take up residence once again within her, but mildly terrified that the retreat was from the ship completely. She paused in thought before turning to the main corridor, exiting the cargo bay, deeply hoping that the retreat itself wasn’t an omen of things to come or if his spirit was simply looking for answers. She felt it was the latter while fearing it may be the former as she walked through the access hatchway and into the corridor beyond.
“Liberator, Two Two Zero Point Three Three Beta.” Rex said over the open comm channel as Ahsoka entered the cockpit, Kowani attacking her with an open armed hug. Even R3 chirped his hello as he rocked back and forth on his ambulatory struts.
“Open pad, Nine One. Clear to land Liberator. Tab?” The sentry asked over the static laced comm.
“Only fuel and rations my friend.” Rex offered, turning to the others in the cockpit with him. Kowani shaking her head in the negative and Ahsoka nodding her agreement. R3 on the other hand beeped and whirred wildly.
“Sorry buddy, no time for an oil bath.” Kowani said, patting his purple dome as she wrestled her arms free of Ahsoka.
“Why does their feed sound so bad?” Ahsoka asked.
“Massive Imperial movements galaxy wide. They are preparing for something it seems, all Alliance bases are on standby.” Rex said, turning to face her.
“Do we have any indication what they may be targeting?” Ahsoka asked again.
Rex shook his head in the negative, “some suggest reinforcement, others denote redeployment altogether. Sentries at Ilum have noted the absence of SD’s that have been in the system for some time.
“Ilum?” Ahsoka voiced her anger at the mention of the system, the planet significant to her for reasons she held dear to her heart. The last time she was there, the Imperial presence was significant she remembered, focused solely on Kyber extraction. She did her best to repress the boiling anger that memory had induced. “Anything near Ambria?”
Rex laughed subtlety, “so we do have a destination after all.” Ahsoka shook her head with a smile creasing her lips, comforted in the fact that the old clone knew her so well. Kowani flashing her own smile as she logged in one of her favorite songs to the ships intricate speaker set up. Rex, noticing the motion, “Open framework!”
Kowani returned the smile tenfold, “My thoughts exactly!” As she pressed the play button. The cockpit, and for all Ahsoka knew, the entire vessel, was engulfed in the audio assault of deep penetrating percussion that threatened to slam her heart straight through her back and shatter her bones just before a melodic harmony accompanied the disturbance with a soft electronic synth string instrument ranging up and down the scope of musical notes. Ahsoka felt she would never understand either of their tastes in music as she left the cockpit and wandered toward the boarding ramp, wishing time would speed up the landing process.
In what felt like hours but was merely seconds the ship came to rest beneath her feet, Ahsoka activating the ramp and decanting herself from the noise as a squealing voiceover was added to the chaotic sound, the intense humidity of the planet bathing her in its embrace.
“Are you having reactor issues Miss Tano?” The voice of General Madine spoke over the cacophony of sound pouring out of the Liberator, hesitant to allow his grounds crews near the vessel with an abrupt ‘stop’ motion toward the men with fuel lines in tow.
Ahsoka looked toward the man, then the ship. “No. It’s music...I think.”
“By the stars….” The General started as the ‘music’ halted without warning, the sounds of the jungle surrounding their landing pad a much-needed reprieve as they filtered through the quietness. Watching as Rex and Kowani exited soon after, he began to understand and motioned his crews to attend to their objectives.
“I apologize for that...well, whatever that was.” Ahsoka said to the man as she approached, met shortly by the others.
“I would ask that you refrain from entertaining any further thoughts of subjecting this facility to any more of that.” General Madine glowered at the two, the symphonic orchestra of the planet’s insect population relaxing all.
“Well met General.” Rex came to attention, saluting on the spot. Kowani responding in kind, but well out of jest. “Sir, yes Sir.” Rex finished, kicking out at Kowani’s shin.
Ahsoka rolled her eyes before addressing the General, “It is a surprise to find you meeting us out here General.”
“I just wanted confirmation that Captain Larte did indeed make way for Koureye. Alot depends on her success in that endeavor.”
“She has and she is in good hands.” Rex confirmed, his time working with Lieutenant Naykie had earned the man accolade.
“There has been no response from her after leaving Raada, so I hope you are correct Rex.” General Madine said, embracing the informal name of the old clone without reservation. “We can spare additional fuel and rations for your own travels, is there anything else we can offer you?”
“A request if I may.” Ahsoka began, not entirely sure how the request would be received by either Rex or Kowani without prior discussion, “I know it would be asking a lot of you General, but would it be possible to assign ‘Challenger’ to our sortie for the time being?” She finished, both Rex and Kowani swinging their respective gazes toward her with mouths open.
The General offered a laugh in response, Ahsoka feeling the denial of the request without the words telling her as much. “In fact, Commander Aturg suggested the same, or requested would be more accurate.” He brimmed his elation as he stroked his beard. “I will most certainly agree to this request, however you must understand then that this will result in your actions falling under the gaze of Alliance scrutiny. I only add this because certain freedoms of action are removed under the authority of the Council.”
Ahsoka turned to Rex and Kowani, both nodding their agreement. She turned back toward the General, “we accept the terms.”
“Joyous!” Commander Aturg’s gargling voice issued from General Madine’s wrist comm. “Joyous rendezvous indeed.”
“I do not know where your travels take you, nor will I pry, I will only add that if you require reinforcement turn to me first.” General Madine offered his council.
“Understood General and thank you.” Ahsoka said as she eyed the crews withdrawing from the ship, their tasks complete.
“The facility is yours to recoup if that is your desire.”
“Unfortunately, duty calls at once General, back into the fray as it were.” Ahsoka responded.
“You see General, I knew the outfit would prove timely.” The Commander added over the comm again. Ahsoka only looked to the General for clarification.
“Challenger’ has been retrofitted with advanced weaponry, a request made by the Commander as soon as they arrived, he can provide specifics I am sure.” General Madine surprised all three of them.
“Eight Quad Turbo Laser batteries, scalable reactive proton….” Aturg began before Ahsoka cut him off.
“I am sure we can go over specifics en route Commander.”
“Very good...Ahsoka.” Aturg stumbled over her name, the guttural consonants requiring a harsh inflection from his vocal cords. “Much easier submerged.” He added with what passed for Mon Calamari laughter.
“With that then I offer good luck to you all. And please if you hear anything from Captain Larte…” General Madine interjected.
“We will offer both intelligence and support General.” Rex offered, “I speak for all of us when I say we understand what is at stake.” He finished, all around nodding in agreement without the clone having to meet their gazes.
“I will leave you to it then.” Madine said with finality, circling his hand above his head for his crew to pull back.
“General.” Rex offered salute before turning on his heel, Kowani mimicking the actions in detail. Ahsoka only rolled her eyes again and offered a wordless apology to the man. General Madine tipped his brow toward her and turned himself to head back toward the bunker like facility entrance, his crews withdrawing from the landing pad completely.
Ahsoka took a moment to observe and reflect as the parties separated, listening to the sounds of the jungle in all their detail as Rex and Kowani boarded the ship. The planet’s primates hooting in the distance as the wind carried the chirping glee of the insect population with it, everything in order of chaos. ‘Those two could learn a lot about sound if they’d just listen.’ She thought aloud, blending her own voice with that of her surroundings. She thought of the General coming out to greet her in person. Yes, he had his strategic motives, but she knew it was deeper than that, it was her presence. Perhaps not specifically as she shrugged off any notion of notoriety, but something more tangible. Her presence brought with it hope, she knew, because she felt it too. It wasn’t her at all the more she thought about it, but what she represented in others perspective. If the Jedi survive, so does their hope. “Does it matter if there aren’t really Jedi protecting the galaxy from itself.” She asked the wind. The answer would always be simple, ‘Of course it does,’ the wind will always say. “Even if I don’t know what they are?”
“Then define what they are.” She heard the voice of Obi-wan answer her rhetoric. “Do you think you are the first to question your lot? I only offer you this. Write that chapter yourself.”
Ahsoka spun in all directions, feeling like herself from twenty years ago, trying to find the wizened Jedi Master. She knew her reality better than that however and smiled inwardly, knowing the Force, and her place within it, were becoming the same.
She cast her gaze toward the Liberator as its Ion drive began to warm up, casting a cloud of pollens and stray insects into the jungle beyond its engine banks. She thought of Rex and of Kowani, how her personal influence has affected them over time, and with that how her presence brought them together. Her smile broadened into genuine happiness at the thought, even with the commencement of bass drops and clattering metallic instruments that began to drown out the peaceful serenity she had briefly enjoyed. “Madine will never let us touch down here again.” She said, shaking her head as she boarded the ship, slapping her hand over the actuator to spare the jungles the nightmarish clamor.
“Ambria? What the hell is on Ambria?” Commander Aturg asked through their established tactical network, his voice clear and distinct.
“The quick answer is I don’t know.” Ahsoka responded, Kowani cupping her forehead with her hand, Rex himself wincing at her response. “I know it sounds ridiculous.”
“Ridiculous is only a start Miss Tano, missions usually require a reason.” Aturg said, his voice gargling after a sharp intake of breath. “Not knowing what we’re getting into is foolhardy at best.”
“We will have to see what presents itself.” Ahsoka said in response, Rex reaching over the cup a hand over the console’s microphone.
“Perhaps it would be wise to let me handle this Ahsoka. We…” he began pointing toward Kowani, even passing a hand in R3’s direction, “understand your implications.” He paused again to splay his fingers toward the transparisteel before him, “they understand fact.”
“I take your meaning Rex, you win.” Ahsoka said, patting his shoulder as she sat back down on the subsidiary fold out seat fastened to the wall behind him.
“Commander, we will hold position a parsec beyond decant, I will forward the details from our navicomputer to you for reference. We will recon the planet’s surface immediately after, keeping ‘Challenger’ updated with real time readings. Bring yourself in for close support only on all clear but hold position in high orbit. If any threat materializes burst quick salvo and head for…” Rex relayed his instructions, pausing only to confer with the rest in the cabin, “I need a rendezvous in case things go sideways.”
“Lothal.” Kowani blurted before Ahsoka could do likewise.
“Lothal.” Rex repeated for Aturg’s benefit.
“Sounds like a solid plan Captain. We will engage on your mark.” The Commander responded, again having difficulty with the hard consonant sounds but sounding much more relieved at hearing the plan phrased in terms he could relate to.
Shrugging, Rex looked to Kowani who only shrugged her response as she turned the music back on, Ahsoka thankful that the volume was at least turned down. “Liberator has the mark, see you there Commander.” Rex said as he throttled the hyperdrive yoke forward in his grip, Ahsoka’s gaze drifting to the shining blade clipped to the trooper’s belt as the ship lurched into hyperspace, a smile that seemed ever present creasing, again, across her lips.
✦
“Kalla.” Conda whispered the woman’s name as he proffered the small cup of water to her lips. Her form rising from its resting state in a general quarters aboard the cruiser, to take the offered drink from his hands.
“Thank you Conda.” She said before draining its contents, looking into the bottom of the cup to avoid his gaze for a moment longer.
“Kalla?” He asked politely.
“Conda, it is the future we were able to perceive. Alone we could navigate numerous paths the future ‘could’ take. Together….” She paused trying to find the right words, “we have the ability to clarify specific paths that intersect our collective sights.” She turned her eyes toward him, tears forming in their mahogany brown depths, “you must not go to Ambria. Follow the rest of the settlement farmers Conda, look after Kattu.” She couldn’t proceed without the tears streaming down her cheeks, “Take care of him until my return, please.”
“Ambria?” Conda was confused but refused to allow the confusion to rule his thoughts. “Kalla.” He began anew after blowing out a pent in breath, “as crazy as it sounds, I have feelings for you…” She placed a hand around his arm with a gentle squeeze.
“Dis I know Conda, did you not hear me?” She began wiping away a trailing tear with her other hand, leaving the cup lying in her lap, “I do not understand my own feelings for you, yet they exist. That is why I ask you to remain with the farmers, remain with Kattu.”
Conda was silent a moment as the weight of her words began to sink into his psyche, “you’ve seen my death, haven’t you?”
“I have.” She didn’t waste energy lying to him.
Conda began to chuckle to himself, the look on the Iktochi’s face turning dour causing him pause, “no no Kalla, it’s just the improbability of this entire situation...the unlikelihood of this...whatever...it is,” he swung is arms in all directions for emphasis. He blew out his breath, trying to convey to her the meaning of what he felt, “I don’t even know how much time has passed since Trunion, and life has a way of...of turning things on edge...twisting things in upon themselves and creating opportunities I would never have even dreamed…” the words were coming fast for him as he stammered over them as well as through the attached emotion.
“I understand Conda.” She said smiling at him, “sometimes the Force moves in ways too numerous to calculate, too vast to see.”
“Maybe that is the case then.” He responded, wanting desperately to sound like a question, maintaining his grip on the newfound hope that was inexplicably present when he was close to her.
“Conda.” She reached for his chin to turn his head toward her direct gaze. “If you come, we both die.”
He sat on the edge of her cot unwilling to arrest his gaze from hers, yet also unwilling to ask the question she knew he wouldn’t ask. Then he did something she could never have foreseen as he wrapped his arms around her back and drew her into his embrace, dancing his lips over hers as a shudder ran through her spine.
“There is always another path Kalla.” He said before taking her lips against his fully.
Kalla could only close her eyes as the blissful ignorance of random chance wove its way around her heart.