“Let’s hope Jabba isn’t entirely fond of Grakkus.” Ahsoka said as she finally got up and out of the pilot’s seat. The front viewport awash in the hypnotic aura of hyperspace travel.
“I don’t think he’d care even if he was.” Kowani returned as she turned the entirety of her communications suite back into its respective position and finally tossed aside the headset. Both were quite sure they wouldn’t be returning to Nal Hutta space any time soon.
“Ahsoka…” Kowani began.
“Yes, I know…. we need to talk...about a few things actually.” Ahsoka quickly responded. “I know what happened down there was my fault...it was my intention to clear a path, but that…. that was not intended.”
“Ahsoka. I already know that wasn’t your intention. Your actions following that weren’t you either though. Remember, I can feel the Force. It flows, uncaring yet nurturing around and through everything. Dark side, light side…. none of that matters to the Force, only balance. What is taken must be returned. It is that part which concerns me Ahsoka. Your intention with the troopers was to save my life. I felt it the moment I saw the realization in your eyes that they were firing at me. The intent in no way determined your actions, however, your choices following did when you realized what you were capable of.” Kowani proffered.
Ahsoka let that sink, her head bowed low. She closed her eyes as understanding took hold of her. “And that is precisely why I need to see my former masters Kowani. The decisions to follow one path or another sometimes get clouded by objective and even my own ability the channel the Force is dependent on how, not what, I am using it. The point is I can willingly tap into Dark energies…”
Kowani cut her off immediately, “you’re not understanding the entirety of what I am saying Ahsoka. There is no dark, there is no light, there is only the Force.” She finished calmly, her voice trailing off. “Again, I am no Jedi Ahsoka,” she continued finding no objections, “and cannot be drawn into the theology of it all, nor do I wish to, my only point is to establish what I know to be true, what I can physically feel and what I’ve come to learn by observing life through that lends.” She paused for a breath, giving Ahsoka a chance to intercede if she chose to, yet the Togruta’s head still bowed before her. “Ahsoka, you are incredibly powerful in your interactions with the living Force. I’ve witnessed it used for good and I’ve witnessed it used for evil. Yes, Ahsoka…. evil. That scares me….as it should.” There. She got it out. She stared at Ahsoka for a few minutes, saying nothing, only watching as she could clearly see Ahsoka working through her understanding as her head lifted slowly, her eyes open wide to the reality Kowani had impressed. Kowani pushed himself out her chair and left the cockpit with a sigh, placing a hand briefly on Ahsoka’s shoulder as she did.
Ahsoka dropped her stare to the corrugated flooring panels again after Kowani had left, dazed by the reality of what she had said. Her counter argument on the tip of her tongue, ready to be unleashed like a salvo of blaster fire upon hearing the words. But it was carelessness, she knew. The childish nature of one possessed by an unlimited power and she backed off instantly. Memory awash in the likeness to so many arguments she was privy to in the past, with her former master in particular. His counsel was wise when it needed to be but there were times when he would question an order. ‘No,’ she thought to herself, “not when…. how” she recited for her own benefit, ‘how he would question it.’ She amended the thought. As a privileged Coruscanti would expect a door opened for them, a Toydarian expecting to reap profit from wagers. A child having unlimited access to their wildest dreams and foot stomping when they were denied. She felt the unbalanced urge to annihilate Anakin, but she also understood the draw that he must have felt with the seed of seduction planted by a manipulating Palpatine. Yes, she wanted nothing more than to save Kowani’s life in that moment, and she had. The theatrics employed in the end where another matter entirely, and, she knew, precisely what Kowani was referencing. She could have left the clone to walk away with his life, even after she knew the dramatics were being recorded. It would have been the right thing to do but she wanted to leave a message, and she wasn’t ready to relinquish the power she had imbibed. It was raw, intoxicating and so very lethal. She began to sob as she remembered the look in the clone’s eyes. That could have been Rex. In that moment, she was sure now, she wouldn’t have cared. The feeling brought a sickening wave of revulsion that brought with it intense nausea and the dizzying effects of reality. She made the decision to ignore the calling of the Dark side, despite her inexplicable cravings for, need for, its usefulness...until she could learn to control it.
Kowani decided to lay down to divest herself of the emotional events on and around Nar Shaddaa long enough to get some sleep. She blindly thought of Tche’s treachery, how Teth had paid the ultimate price for the betrayal but also Garand’s timeliness. If not for his warning, the events on the moon could have been exponentially worse, in what way, however, she did not know. R3’s oversight only added to her sense of foreboding, noting that events seemed to be increasing in momentum and purpose. Had it not been for her troubled new friend, Kowani would most likely have perished. She linked the two together. Ahsoka and her troubled past, the issues she tried to conceal from herself and the flows of the Force as they traveled faster, with more urgency, sometimes with no intention of cradling what it passed through as it always had in the past. Kowani thought of a tree in its path, rock, soil, decay, or new life...all drawing from the Force a respect with its passage, an acknowledgment of the cycle within all things. Now? The Force seemed to pass right through on a direct path toward a hidden agenda, without recognition, respect, or grace. Like a possessed entity, reckless and without fear. All in some great hurry to get nowhere in particular. She sensed the same amidst most of all the Force tides around her, nothing commanded its respect, nothing except Ahsoka. The Force hadn’t changed in its approach to the Togruta, it continued to slow itself, wait patiently for its invitation and flowed delicately through every part of her. The Force embraced her and she it. The Force flowing out of Ahsoka was different as it coalesced into the currents surrounding her. It was slow and calculating, trusting and peaceful. Kowani could see the ripples and eddies, embraced as they were with Ahsoka’s gift, transition back to the peaceful rivers and times she had always known. This Togruta, Ahsoka, was special. Very special indeed. Her mind had drifted on that thought toward some very much needed sleep.
She awoke with a start to see Ahsoka at her doorway, arms crossed and a foot up on the framework for support. She immediately saw the apprehension in her face and the sadness within her.
“Kowani…. I should have let them walk away.” Ahsoka started, “especially the Commander. I did witness the Order firsthand but have no hostility toward clones as a result, so I saw in him what I grew up with. Those clones were friends. A sizable number of them died either for me to survive or as a result of decisions I made.” She blew out a breath as her foot slid from its roots. Looking down toward her boots, she continued, “I have admitted to you already that I am struggling inside and need guidance, now more than ever before.” Ahsoka looked up to catch the concerned look in Kowani’s eyes, “I need your help in that, but I also need to know you trust me to make the right decisions going forward.” A brief chirp rang through each compartment of the ship, an audible notification that the ship had reached Bothan space and was now rerouting to Tatooine. Ahsoka looked up toward the source as she swung her gaze back toward Kowani’s, a smile spread across her features, “no re-routing back through your navcom? Nice gear.” She couldn’t ignore the sophisticated upgrades the Mirialan had installed despite the gravity of the conversation. Shaking her head free of the distraction, she slapped her forehead lightly to get back on track. “Kowani, there are a few questions I have for you as well. Why is Yavin relevant? There is considerable history there...owing to my time spend in the Jedi archives…. Some things you just never forget…. but why is Yavin relevant now?”
Kowani wasn’t sure where to start as she pushed herself up on her elbows, her eyes boring into Ahsoka’s as if in search of something. “Fulcrum? Was it?” Kowani started with a slightly twisted lip, a sly wink in her eye.
“Ok?” Ahsoka was still at a loss.
“Ahsoka, the part you have played in the rebellion was significant and truly inspiring for a great many of us.” Kowani added for some clarity.
Reality collided with Ahsoka at once and she pulled back slightly at the words ‘rebellion’ and ‘us.’
“You were lost on Malachor Ahsoka. Kanan and Hera had to report as much when they reunited with Phoenix cell.” Kowani stammered slightly, an inexplicable wave of emotion passing through her. “Thanks to your efforts, and so many more like you Ahsoka, the cells merged into an alliance. A rebel alliance.”
“Bail!” Ahsoka said with genuine laughter.
“Yes, Organa was critical in getting the cells to function toward like purposes, even his daughter assists with supply transfers, sometimes vessels, but he was only the start.” Kowani pushed herself to the edge of her bunk, practically bouncing with excitement, “Through his efforts the alliance was formed and with his platform he was able to sway many other Senators to the cause.” Kowani couldn’t hide her smile at all as it spread from ear to ear. “And since, we had to coalesce onto a planetary station to function from. It is incredible what hope can bring Ahsoka!”
“You couldn’t be more right Kowani, much more than you know.” Ahsoka said in return.
Kowani pushed herself up from the bunk altogether, “there was outside hope that you would emerge from whatever the hell happened on Malachor….and I…. I am a direct result of that hope. The Kyber and Ash posed a means to provide access to the coax and other fuel sources but also shield generators, hyperdrives, weapons and above all else, credits. War is expensive.” She trailed off bowing her head toward the floor before releasing a short exhale and looking Ahsoka directly in the eyes again, “especially those worth fighting.”
Ahsoka quickly pulled Kowani into an embrace, placing her hands on either side of her head, then pulled back and kissed the Mirialans forehead. “For hope.” She said with a smile and turned to leave, heading to the crew quarters.
Kowani’s gaze followed her from view, her smile turning into a lighthearted chuckle knowing Ahsoka meant every word she uttered. She sat back down on her bunk and kicked her legs up, spinning her head back on her pillow. She closed her eyes despite the smile that wouldn’t subside knowing full well what Ahsoka meant to do now was for her only.
Reaching the room she had chosen for her own, Ahsoka eyed the black bundle on her bunk, its contents to be constructed into an extension of herself for one single purpose, one she knew was coming and one that she anticipated being her last. Ahsoka knew she had never been in short supply of courage and even now, that wasn’t the issue. Her emotions were tugging her in every direction imaginable, yet she held them in check as she could not allow them to guide her at the moment. She needed to clear her mind, be clear of mind, body, and soul, of all distraction. She closed her eyes in a wince knowing the first step was always the hardest. Denying her connection to the Force, albeit briefly, was akin to suffering an impossible loss. The rebirth that followed, to immediately open every ounce of herself to the full intensity of the Force, was the only recompence. A cleansing path of purity. She blew out her breath fully and evenly as she picked up the bundle, placing it, and herself, on the floor. She slowly opened the wrapping and sifted her hands through the odds and ends. She closed her eyes as she continued to identify everything with her fingers, visualizing a strategy to combine each component delicately with the next to form an assembly. Each assembly into a basic structure and how each would combine.
Ahsoka brought her hands back to her knees gently and slowed her breathing considerably, feeling every muscle, every tendon and organ. She felt her bones and blood, her nerves and mind. Each of the components that made her who she was. She felt intimately as each played their specific part in the internal systems, they made up individually and how those systems interacted with one another. Ahsoka identified each system in turn as she drove her consciousness to her own cellular level and abruptly stopped with a calming exhale. She began to erect protective barriers around each of them as she inhaled slowly and evenly, taking her time to ensure there could be no breach. As she finished the process at her cellular level, she erected barriers around the parts of her they comprised, each organ, every nerve and so on until she was satisfied with her efforts, only then exhaling the breath she had held through the process. Ahsoka inhaled one final time, slowly, precisely, ensuring the protective measures were erected to her satisfaction. With an extensive final exhale, she erected the final barrier as she closed herself off from the Force completely.
The Force parted around the kneeling form of the Togruta as it weaved its cosmic path, a perfect branch that bisected multiple flows. Ahsoka was a diversion to it, an obstacle it dared not test. She could feel herself solvent to obscurity as the Force became oblivious to her obstruction, finding no reason to part at all. Ahsoka had passed to an inexistence to it, the deepest form of disconnection she could impart. She was alone.
Satisfied with the effort, Ahsoka began the tedious undertaking of her own nonexistence. Slowing her elongated breaths to the point of absolute silence, she maintained enough air to function and nothing more. She concentrated on the flows of her own blood as it coursed through her veins, slowing it to a crawl as she slowed her own mind, rendering involuntary action voluntary. Ahsoka could not have been more vulnerable. She was as bare as she could be in the universe, a nakedness of disconnection in direct contrast to whom she had always been. She had become a husk of life held together by the fate of choice. Ahsoka was on the brink of death, the precipice and tipping point of cascading beyond the point of no return. It was only in this state that she could truly shed her indecision, her doubts and any reluctancy to face her path, no matter where it led. As she felt her final breath pushing from her lungs, Ahsoka began to destroy the barriers she had erected in the precise order she had built them.
Ahsoka broke down the barriers to her cells with the precise hammer of thought, reminding herself to breath. As she destroyed the barriers around specific components, organs, she reminded herself to pump blood through her heart. She obliterated the erected barriers around her systems, reassigning breathing, and blood circulation to involuntary control. Ahsoka fired every synapse in her mind, feeling the odd tingle of vibrancy rocket through every fiber of her being. She felt every bone and muscle as they pulled through her tendons, the fibers throughout each responding immediately to her beacon. Lastly, Ahsoka drew in a breath from the bottom of her diaphragm and dropped the final barrier. The one she had placed around the whole of herself.
The Force flooded Ahsoka in a deluge, the torrent taking her by surprise as wave upon wave of living Force inundated each part of her. It saturated her down to the cellular level as it cascaded into the atoms that comprised her, flooding her instantly from montral to toe in a tidal wave of want and desire. The Force was fighting itself for the chance to embrace her, inside and out as the waves crashed faster, stronger, the current becoming fevered. Ahsoka knew she could be washed away with the tide if she didn’t stand her ground, assert control of her mastery over it, knowing many before her had failed the task outright. Perishing through the process as they passed into the Force only because they could not stem the flow or ground themselves sufficiently. She focused on that fact with complete sincerity as she became an anchor, rooted to her position through sheer will. Ahsoka braced herself for the final sensation as the torrential waves transformed themselves into a vast ocean that threatened to consume her, pull her under its surface in greedy sacrifice. She blew out her breath with an even authority, holding it briefly as her life hung in the balance.
‘The only way forward is to trust in you,’ she thought to herself as she breathed in the Force, letting it fill her lungs to capacity and becoming one with it. She repeated the cycle of breaths several times to confirm her trust in both herself and the process, a jubilation of familiarity. As she welcomed the Force, it began to retreat, as all flows do, to return to the balance. She had weathered the withdrawal many times in the past and understood the dangers that yet lurked at the very end of the practice. Ignoring the enticement to follow the retreat, to maintain her anchor, despite the almost insatiable urge to pursue the recession. As always, Ahsoka felt the pull to relinquish her mortal core for the promises of serenity but ignored the impulse as she trusted in herself. She smiled, felt her lips pull tight as she watched the Force recede, only to witness it balance itself out and resume its normal course. “Thank you for your sight, for your clarity and your trust. Until we meet again.” She said aloud, a sincere appreciation for the gifts the Force imparted.
Ahsoka opened her eyes slowly through the fresh clarity only her meditations could provide. She felt renewed, refreshed and very alive. She gazed down again at the components that lay before her, mentally cataloging everything present. She slowly closed her eyes again, allowing the Force to guide her hands as she slowly began to relinquish her grounding, her hand diving straight into the small pouch at her waist. Ahsoka’s fingertips brushed lightly over the crystal that was its lone occupant. She felt its edges and contrasting flat surfaces as it warmed to her touch, a light quiver passed through each finger as she rolled it between the pads at their tips, finally pulling it from the pouch to drop it into the palm of her left hand. Ahsoka held it there for a long moment, seeing into it with her mind, the tiny imperfections on its surfaces, the branching veins within it. She felt its edges again, ridged, and raw but not sharp by any means. She felt the inclusions on it and within it, how they, specifically, would reflect directed energy and what she may need to include to compensate.
Ahsoka felt the Force as it proceeded with its own inspections of the crystal, studying the exchange to gauge the reaction of the two, very much alive, entities. She let the Force touch the crystal, to let the two reacquaint themselves, an effort to witness the Force identifying the same qualities and characteristics she had. With a genuine smile she introduced them both formally as she allowed the Force to embrace the crystal in its comforting, gentle touch. Ahsoka allowed both positive and negative energies to flow equally through the reciprocating exchange, ensuring balance between the three of them. In her mind she watched the interaction without reservation or prejudice, remaining constantly vigil to the requisite balance without taking sides.
The crystal showed a brilliant white but would yield to her choice, through slight fracturing and faceting, the enhancement of a slight inclusion or the removal of an imperfection. She could make additions to the circuitry, gating, or shroud to elicit minor changes, but she knew much of the effect would come from the Kyber itself. She could do nothing without purpose, however. They crystal needed purpose. The Force needed purpose, and she needed purpose. Ahsoka could have chosen a litany of stated purposes ranging from epic poems to a single word. Purpose to unleash its power or provide a future, to provide hope. Only one word came to mind as she focused on the very center of the song the Kyber continued to sing, “balance.”
Ahsoka smiled to herself, finding the truest form of her very self with which to present as her gift of purpose. She set the Kyber down among the components as her intent solidified within her mind. She began to assemble the vessel for her new crystal as she allowed the Force to flow unimpeded through everything lying on the cloth, without reservation. Bits of frayed wire straightened themselves out slowly, broken black cylinders began piecing themselves together. The Force identified a copper-colored metallic shaft, lifting it somewhat for Ahsoka’s inspection, “power field conductor...but it will need to be bored out to admit a vortex ring and power cell.” She said to them both. She called upon the Force specific to that task while she pried open a forked bit of metal, bending its edges slightly to create a crystal mount.
Two small but dense coils would suffice for a cycling field energizer, and she tasked the Force with tightly re-wrapping them to condense them further as it finished with the power field conductor. Exchanging one for the other, Ahsoka began to visualize a mount seated on the end of the power cell. She slid both together and through the field conductor, snapped over her vortex ring assembly and snatched the finished field energizer from its finished suspension before her. She fired a hand out to grab a dull black tube that would serve as a blade energy channel and wrapped the completed energizer around its circumference, pushing them into the assembly. A more than ample supply of wiring and various other tech was sufficient to construct energy modulation circuits connected to a singular tuning switch controlling both the blade length and blade power adjust modulations. Metallic heat sheathing foil sufficed in its new purpose as her inert power insulating shroud as she wrapped it around the assemblage but struggled initially to find anything that could serve as a stabilizing ring or tuning flange.
Ahsoka was certain she had visualized the assembled parts on the cloth to the point of exhaustion before finding both under rusted portions of broken conduit. Close to losing herself to exasperation, she regained her focus as she forged both components and fused them to the bottom of the unfinished saber hilt. The portion of conduit housing she had eyed earlier served its envisioned promise as her blade emitter shroud. She knew she was missing the small amount of duranium to serve as her energy gate but smiled wryly knowing the ship itself held the bounty. Ahsoka tasked the Force with removing a small portion Kowani had used as a heat shroud on a plasma conduit toward the rear of her cabin. She simply swapped the remaining heat sheathing foil for the needed part and finished the assembly. “There.” She said aloud, hearing the calmness in her own voice.
Ahsoka set the raw assembly down before her crossed legs, right next to the black cylinder that would serve as the hilt as she called on the Force to gently lift the Kyber from its place on the black cloth. She decided, as she looked upon the length of the raw assembly, to fraction the crystal into two halves. One would serve a primary, the second to focus the primary even farther, contained in separate chambers. The effect would be notable as it would slim the blade considerably, but she could think of nothing better to suit her style of combat. Her decision was made; she closed her eyes to the Force fraction then facet the Kyber specific to her focused thought. Beyond her focus she did not direct or interfere in the process, responsibility given completely to the Force. A blue hued light filtered through her mind as she saw the clean and precise fracture and the resulting clean facets on all ends and points of the perfect Kyber. The beauty of it was stark and humbling, her memory aflame with activity both recent and old as she let a slight giggle slip from her lips. From either a childish giddiness over her creation or the notion that she had liberated a piece from the Liberator she could not be certain, but it passed as quickly as it had come.
The Force, complete in its task gave way back to Ahsoka to complete her own task, to complete what she had begun. She poured the entirety of her intent into the work as the parts all slid together, effortlessly. Various clicks sounded out to give audio report of her success. Finally, the black cylinder over the completed construction, slowly, ending in a final click and twist as the assemblage solidified into a completed project. Ahsoka opened her eyes slowly as she reached out with her right hand to caress the hilt out of suspension before her. She brought it down vertically, placing her left hand under her right, supporting her primary control with secondary precision. She focused on the emitter shroud exclusively for a long while, not out of reservation but to attune herself to the components within, to ensure that everything was assembled properly and that it had attained the blessing of the Force. Again, she held it out before her, allowing inspection from the Force itself, acting only as its chaperone as she nodded her own blessing. With that she ignited the saber, the sound she had come to love, respect, and adore as the room echoed the electronic snap and rolling hiss, thrumming to life in her hands. It pulsed its cadenced and rhythmic hum, a song unto itself as the room shone the dull maroon glow she had fully expected.